I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
