Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
