I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
