He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
