Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
