Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Porn is love you can see.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
