nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
