Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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