no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
