so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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