I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
