Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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