I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
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