Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
