I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
pop tarts are not kleenex
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you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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