the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
