so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
