why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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