Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Randomize
