Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
