when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
