I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
