just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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