Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Is Oprah even human
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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