the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
