I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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