What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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