I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
