I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
