I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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