and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
