I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
