I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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