And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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