Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize