I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
