I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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