yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
