I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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