It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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