She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
