apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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