proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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