What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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