So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
