Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
