I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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