dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
