i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
did i just pee glitter
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
