Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
