cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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