It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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