After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
