the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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