i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The police scanner is talking about you again....
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
