If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
