totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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