The maid of honor just puked.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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