Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
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I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
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He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"