I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
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