Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
She needs sedatives and a leash
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.