so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...