Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.