Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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