Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?

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  (248): I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards? http://tfl.nu/3nve
  Replies (2) Good night (767) Bad night (1211)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener

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  (214): a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener http://tfl.nu/2syz
  Replies (6) Good night (649) Bad night (2251)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  and you said cock pushups were impossible

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  (705): and you said cock pushups were impossible http://tfl.nu/k08s
  Replies (9) Good night (3560) Bad night (673)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  What's wrong?

  (1-503): View more from Oregon

  Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Pussy.

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  (503): What's wrong? (1-503): Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans. (503): Pussy. http://tfl.nu/sltt
  Replies (18) Good night (1044) Bad night (2388)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.

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  (609): I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick. http://tfl.nu/i44q
  Replies (34) Good night (4752) Bad night (840)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket

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  (978): he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket http://tfl.nu/jdxn
  Replies (42) Good night (758) Bad night (4864)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.

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  (702): So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers. http://tfl.nu/tlh4
  Replies (11) Good night (787) Bad night (2200)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.

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  (317): HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING. http://tfl.nu/dtfs
  Replies (7) Good night (2110) Bad night (675)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland

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  (406): There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland http://tfl.nu/keo1
  Replies (7) Good night (1503) Bad night (641)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday

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  (617): What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday http://tfl.nu/gitv
  Replies (4) Good night (608) Bad night (419)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?

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  (+44): are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper? http://tfl.nu/40vp
  Replies (3) Good night (954) Bad night (402)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??

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  (610): So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night?? http://tfl.nu/qtcd
  Replies (2) Good night (1022) Bad night (446)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.

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  (425): I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me. http://tfl.nu/601h
  Replies (5) Good night (362) Bad night (601)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.

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  (919): All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there. http://tfl.nu/arna
  Replies (1) Good night (717) Bad night (329)
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.

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  (386): And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying. http://tfl.nu/jvg5
  Replies (10) Good night (1736) Bad night (332)

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