I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
