Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
