Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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