Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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