I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
