So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
