Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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