Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
