my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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