I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
