Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
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It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
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She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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